Hey, Restaurants: My Kid is Not a Chicken Nugget
Why, hello, lovely reader. It’s nice to see you.
After a week of sun and sand at the beach (and another week digging out from the sun-and-sand-induced fog that affected my ability to string a cohesive sentence together), we’re back at it, kids.
We had a wonderful trip, thanks for asking. We spent a fun week with awesome friends and their two adorable kiddos. We ate, we swam, we collected seashells and, despite our best intentions, could not stay away past midnight (ok, 11 p.m.) no matter how hard we tried.
Did I mention we ate? At some awesome places, including Mama Kwan’s, my favorite grill and tiki bar in the whole wide world. Just thinking of their “money bag” appetizers just makes me salivate. Nom…nom…nom…
But alas, this is a parenting blog, no? So let’s get down to the nitty gritty.
If we are what we eat, I’m surprised that my tot did not metabolically transform into a chicken nugget (or chicken tender, or chicken finger, or any variation on that theme) by the end of the week.
At nearly every restaurant we visited – no matter what type of food was being offered to the adults – the kid’s menu consisted of the following, or some combination thereof:
- Chicken Nuggets (with fries)
- Pizza (with fries)
- Grilled Cheese (with fries)
- Cheeseburger (with fries)
- PB & J (which costs anywhere from $8.00 to 37.50. Ok, I exaggerate, but still.)…with, you guessed it — fries.
Yes, of course my kid loves chicken nuggets. She’s 4. Chicken nuggets, to her, are a culinary delight, especially when dipped in the lovely corn-syrup–and-tomato-based concoction she likes to refer to as “keputch.” And she loves French fries. Now, I don’t claim to have a Ph.D. in nutrition. I’m not a dietitian. I’m just a fan of healthy eating and an advocate of making good nutritional choices. But even a four-year-old gets tired of deep-fried chicken parts. AND, for the love of all that is holy, FRENCH FRIES DO NOT COUNT AS A VEGETABLE.
In addition, E enjoys other foods. She may not be the world’s best eater, but she likes vegetables. She likes fresh fruit. She likes tacos make with ground turkey. And rice. And spaghetti. And plenty of other foods that do not begin their journey to her digestive system by being removed from a deep freezer and dunked into a vat of hot oil.
Yes, you may argue, we’re on vacation. Of course we relax the rules a little. We’re not crazy strict, but we do teach the little one to understand the difference between healthy food and straight-out junk. Heck, I myself likely ingested about 14,000 more calories a day than I normally do (Hellllllllloooo, Duck Donuts!). However, as an adult, I had options. When I tired of eating like Boss Hogg (oops, showing my age), I could opt for a salad or something not breaded or covered in sauce. My daughter’s choice? Chicken nuggets. Pizza. Hamburger. Repeat.
Then, you contest, why not just order from the adult’s menu. Problem solved, right?
Sure, if you’re willing to shell out $15.99 + tax for an adult-sized portion, of which your preschooler will eat 1/16 of before deciding that she’s “full.”
Take home the extras, you say! Leftovers! Sure, if you like eating leftover food that’s been dissected and rebuilt to resemble Jabba the Hutt or left in a hot car for 3 hours, allowing it to acquire all sorts of super digestive-friendly bacteria.
(Side note: this “I’m full” statement is usually followed up 30 seconds later with: “Can I have dessert?”)
So, restaurants of America, I beg you: reconsider your kid’s menus. Help parents – and their kids – make healthy choices. Reconsider the fact that childhood obesity has more than doubled in the past three decades and that, as a result, kids are more at risk for Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and stroke than ever before. In fact, for the first time in history, this current generation of kids is expected to have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. If that isn’t a wake-up call, I don’t know what is.
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