Five Things I Thought I’d Never Do as a Parent
Last night, I attended orientation for E’s preschool. This is her last year of preschool before she heads off to kindergarten next year.
Like most (if not all) parents will say, I have no idea where the time went. Our “baby girl” is almost five. FIVE, for Pete’s sake. Go ahead, parents of older kids – moms and dads who are celebrating their child’s first day of high school or college – giggle away. Give me the old “I told ya so” line. You weren’t kidding when you said that the days are long, but the years are short.
Anyway, I’m feeling a little pensive this morning. As I was lying in bed with the tot last night (see #2, below), I started thinking of all of the things I said I’d NEVER do as a parent before we welcomed her into this world. Well, let’s face it, at the time being, I had no idea what I was talking about. And half of the time, I still feel like I don’t.
So, in all of its glory, here are my Top 5:
Fictional statement #1: I’m NEVER going to let my kid play with my iPhone/iPad/computer until she’s old enough to read.
Reality: Sometimes, you’re in a restaurant, and your otherwise good-natured toddler decides that NOW is the time to throw a tantrum of epic proportions because you won’t let her channel Jackson Pollock with the ketchup bottle while waiting for your food. You try reasoning with her. You try speaking to her in soothing voices. You try crayons, and then bribery and veiled threats. Nothing works except – you guessed it…the smart phone. Well played, Steve Jobs. Well played.
Fictional statement #2: I’m never going to co-sleep. My baby is going to learn to fall asleep ON HER OWN, no matter what.
Reality: As an infant, E was a champion sleeper. She fell asleep in her crib, by herself, without much of a fight. Then…something happened. Around the time of her first birthday, she would scream when we left the room. And scream. And scream. Did I mention that she would scream? I was still working full-time at the time, and my husband gets up at 4 a.m., so we frequently caved – more than I’d like to admit. One of us would sleep on the floor beside her crib, or worse – gasp! – we’d bring her into bed with us. Still to this day, she will crawl into our bed in the middle of the night or just decide that she doesn’t want to sleep in her own bed that night. Each night before she falls asleep, in that tiny little voice, she asks, “Mama, can you lay wif me? For one more minute? Pwease?” And guess what? I do, and I don’t give a flying hoot if people think it’s “bad parenting.” Because someday way too soon, she’s going to be pushing me out of her room and locking the door behind her, and all those quiet times lying with her in bed will just be a distant memory. <sob> Anyone have a tissue?
Fictional statement #3: I would never let my child leave the house looking like THAT.
Reality: Remember those “quick stops” at the grocery store? Oh yeah. Those. When you run in just to “grab something” and then, 15 minutes later, you’re home again? All I have to say is Tee.Hee.Hee. Nowadays, a typical trip to a store involves at least 15 minutes of cajoling: “Please put your pants on. No, you cannot wear winter boots when it’s 90 degrees. No, you cannot wear those fairy wings. They won’t fit in the car seat. No, you cannot take your entire Barbie collection. We’re only going to be in the car for 5 minutes. Do you have to go potty? Do you have to go potty? Do you have to go potty? Go potty. Do you have to go potty?” Fast-forward those 15 minutes: “Fine. Wear the skirt. Fine, wear the winter boots. Fine, take your fairy wings. Fine, take your Barbies. Let’s just GO. Fine. Don’t go to the bathroom. Fine, fine, FINE.” Of course, when we get to the store, this happens: “Mommy, my feet are HOT.” “Mommy, these fairy wings are ITCHIN’ me.” And, my all-time favorite, when we’re near the end of the shopping trip, in the back of the store, cart full of perishables: “Mommy, I really have to peeeeeeeeee!” Parenting. Not for the faint of heart.
Fictional statement #4: My kid is never, EVER eating sugar. EVER. EVER.
Reality: Well, all I can say is, good luck with that one. While we are advocates of healthy eating (check out my last blog post here) and I loooove me a yummy cupcake, it is nearly impossible to prevent your kids from eating sugary snacks. Birthday parties, preschool celebrations, holidays, you name it – do you want to be the mom who denies your kid that delicious-looking homemade treat while her little friends are chowing down, making delightful “mmmmmm” sounds? No, you don’t. While we still control the amount of sugar she consumes at home, one cannot underestimate the power of a lollipop on a Target shopping trip. Just sayin’.
Fictional statement #5: We’re not going to be those types of parents who use TV as a babysitter.
Reality: HAHAHAHAHAHA <cough>. Sometimes, Mama just needs a break. A 30- or 60- or, if it’s a really bad day, a 90-minute break. Sometimes, Mama needs to conduct an interview over the phone and doesn’t have access to a babysitter. Sometimes, the tot is exhausted from being outside at the park all day, and just needs a little downtime. And sometimes, Mama, er, E just really wants to watch The LEGO Movie again. No, we don’t let her sit in front of the TV all day. But, for whatever the reason, yes, Virginia, we do use TV as a babysitter from time to time…and she still seems pretty well-adjusted to me.
So there you have it folks, my Top 5. Want to share yours? Post a comment below!
Like this post? Sign up for my newsletter and stay up-to-date on the latest OCM action!